Food Fixations - Season Five

Night

• When Neelix wakes in a panic in the night, he orders himself a bergamot tea, hot to calm his nerves.
• Paris is drinking in the Mess Hall. Looks like coffee. He and Torres decline Neelix's offer of a little snack and opt for a side order of bickering instead.
• In attempting to define anxiety, Neelix describes it as the feeling he gets when he burns a pot roast. The rest of the crew, on the other hand, get those same feelings when he serves it up, whether it's burnt or not.

Drone

• The Doctor offers B'Elanna Torres the following proverb: "Early bird gets the gagh". Faced with that particular Klingon delicacy, is it any wonder that B'Elanna would prefer to sleep late? We know she doesn't like gagh for breakfast (see Fair Trade).
• One tells Captain Janeway that one of the things that he has assimilated in his rapid adaptation to life on board Voyager is an appreciation of the culinary delights of the Delta Quadrant. Of course, Neelix is probably the person he knows best on the ship after Seven, and he is pretty much a blank slate. He's ripe for culinary indoctrination... or maybe it's just that he comes to Neelix's food with no preconceived notions about whether it'll be any good or not.

Extreme Risk

• Tom Paris tries to talk a reluctant B'Elanna Torres into having dinner with him, as a break from the frantic round the clock shuttlecraft construction. He proposes replicating a bottle of burgundy to go with the meal. B'Elanna turns him down. As she's approved of his replicator choices on previous occasions, this can only mean that she's not quite herself at the moment...
• B'Elanna wanders into the Mess Hall, a little lost and hoping for some cheer from the ship's self appointed morale officer. Neelix invites her to "name her poison", but sadly it doesn't even raise a smile, let alone an insult about his cooking.
• He does manage to prompt her into an admission of a hankering for banana pancakes. B'Elanna's grandmother used to make them for her when she was a child, and apparently they always put a smile on her face. Unfortunately, their therapeutic value is minimal on this occasion, since she can barely force herself to take a bite.
• But, a day and feeling better about yourself makes a lot of difference. Having pulled back from the brink of depression, at least to the point of becoming a functioning member of the crew again, B'Elanna celebrates the Delta Flyer's successful maiden flight with a private stack of banana pancakes with maple syrup. And this time they do put a smile on her face.

In The Flesh

• "Valerie Archer" is drinking a Klingon martini, which she describes as consisting of vermouth, gin, and a dash of blood wine. Chakotay declines to share, on the basis that he never touches the latter.
• Janeway recommends a nice Japanese replimat on the Embarcadero to Chakotay when he's planning his big date in the Starfleet Headquarters simulation. He confesses that he never really got the hang of using chopsticks.
• "Boothby" offers "Archer" the following wisdom when she is offered a posting as first officer on a Klingon vessel: "Smile when you eat the gagh." Good advice... provided you can follow it.
• When asked what he'd like to drink, Chakotay opts for water. He's accused of being a teetotaller, but says that he just likes to stay in control. Particularly when his date's from another galaxy, presumably...
• "Boothby" breaks out a malt whisky he's been saving for a special occasion... like laying hands on a 100 per cent genuine human to interrogate and inspect genetically. He claims its been aged for two hundred years, which is somewhat unlikely considering that everything else in the Starfleet simulation must have been created within the last year. Of course, Species 8472 could have popped over to Earth briefly and visited an off-licence, but all the evidence suggests that they've been saving their visit for later.

Once Upon A Time

• Neelix delivers coffee to the bridge. Amazingly Kathryn Janeway declines to imbibe, excusing herself by saying that one more cup will send her to warp. She must have been seriously overdosing off-camera in that case, since we all know that the captain has an abnormally high caffeine threshold.
• Neelix rehearses a somewhat sarcastic speech for giving bad news to Naomi Wildman: "Good morning, Naomi. Would you like some papalla juice with your cereal? And oh, by the way, your mother is buried under thirty kilotons of rock." From which we can deduce that he's really unhappy about the idea of having to break such news to his goddaughter, and also that Naomi has cereal for breakfast. I hope she orders her papalla juice with extra bubbles...
• In his farewell message to B'Elanna, Tom Paris consoles her with the thought that she won't have to put up with day old pizza lying around any more, if he's dead. That boy has got to be taught better housekeeping habits. I realise that Voyager probably doesn't have maid service, but what's wrong with putting the plate back in the replicator when you've finished? And, since you can fine tune your order, why not just order as much (or as little) as you actually want to eat?
• Neelix, Samantha and Naomi Wildman join Trevis and Flotter for a party on the holodeck. The Wildmans are a little late, and Trevis accuses them of letting the tea get cold.

Timeless

• To celebrate the completion of their quantum slipstream drive and in anticipation of its maiden flight the following day, the crew hold a party in engineering, during which B'Elanna Torres smashes a bottle of champagne against the railings surrounding the warp core, to help it on its way. Surely it's a bad idea to spill liquid in all directions when there are so many electrical panels about? Hmm. You don't suppose that that's the source of that unfortunate phase variance, do you? I wonder if Tom Paris programmed it into his slipstream simulation as a variable...
• Whatever its effect on the warp core, the champagne certainly has an interesting effect on Seven of Nine. One glass is all it takes to raise her blood synthehol level to 0.05 per cent and set her wobbling. The Doctor has to take her to Sickbay for a shot of inaprovoline to stave off the after effects. She still sounds slightly under the influence later on, but presumably the Doctor's efforts meant that the nasty hangover was irrelevant.
• Janeway invites Chakotay to dinner to celebrate their last night in the Delta Quadrant... she hopes. Despite confessing to cookery ambitions that usually don't extend beyond making a pot of coffee, she gets adventurous enough to program the replicator with vegetable biryani, which she says her grandmother used to make back on Earth. Chakotay risks it, but does threaten to alert sickbay.
• The Delta Flyer's pre-flight checks apparently include what its crew are going to have for lunch... when Chakotay's in charge at any rate. Harry Kim tells him that it's salami sandwiches.

Infinite Regress

• Under the influence of one of her assimilated inner voices, Seven of Nine makes a midnight trip to the Mess Hall where her controlling consciousness rejects assorted vegetable dishes before breaking into the meat cabinet and assimilating a leg of Kelaran wildebeest that Neelix had been preparing for Ensign Ryson's birthday.
• Both Janeway and B'Elanna are drinking coffee in the briefing room. It may be strong enough for them to hallucinate that the curiously absent from the staff meeting Lieutenant Paris is in fact only wearing one pip on his collar, despite the fact that he won't be losing the other one for a couple more weeks...
• Upon hearing that Seven is unwell, Neelix offers the services of his kitchen. Despite the fact that the Doctor is positively disdainful of Talaxian homeopathy, he offers to prepare her a "wonderful" medicinal tea. Or failing that, one of her favourite nutritional supplements. Seven notes his concern, but turns him down.

Nothing Human

• Coffee... the cure for all ills. In this case it's the antidote to the Doctor's terminally boring slideshow. Janeway takes a cup in there to sustain her through the experience, and Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres make a bee-line for Neelix's blend of the day after they're finally released. Nobody's complaining about how Neelix's coffee tastes nowadays, only on whether he'll let them kidnap the whole pot or not. (Well, actually, that's not quite true. After an energy wave shakes the ship while they're drinking it, Paris does make a polite enquiry as to its contents, but he seemed reasonably eager to taste it. And if Paris dares drink Neelix's coffee - after a previous pot killed him - it's probably okay.)

Thirty Days

• Incarcerated in the brig, Tom Paris is less than impressed by the Captain's order that he be provided with "basic nutrition" only. Neelix's equivalent of bread and water is leola root stew three days in a row. And no prospect of a replicated pizza, however often he asks for it.
• After meeting the Moneans, Janeway invites Paris to drink coffee with her in her ready room and talk about the sea, sailing ships, and ancient Earth history.
• B'Elanna Torres invites Paris to dinner after his release. Perhaps she'll replicate him that pizza?

Counterpoint

• Ever the thoughtful host, Inspector Kashyk of the Devore Imperium replicates black coffee for Janeway... and has some himself as well. Trouble is... it's her ship and her ready room that he's playing host to her in. She's obviously fairly annoyed about it, since she doesn't even drink the coffee.
• Kashyk invites Janeway into his quarters to drink a little something to toast the success of their search for the wormhole. There's only one slight snag: she's ordered that his replicator be taken off line, because she doesn't trust him not to replicate a weapon.
• In order to misdirect the Devore, the crew put cargo containers full of vegetables into transporter stasis to ensure that there are some biopatterns to be detected in cargo bay one. In bamboozling Prax, they gain enough time for the refugee telepaths they've been sheltering to flee to safety.

Warhead

• Tom Paris does a bit of replicator ration begging from Neelix. It's a life and death situation, he says. It's the anniversary of his first date with B'Elanna, and he needs to come up with a romantic dinner fast. It would seem that his previously unending supply of replicator rations has finally run dry, or maybe it's just that what he orders after Neelix weakens is high-living enough to blow anybody's ration supply: a bottle of Mouton Rothschild, preferably a 2342 (only the best wine will do), to accompany Terrelian pheasant and steamed asparagus. Although you'd think that he could have got the accompanying single rose from the airponics bay, unless it's given up flower growing entirely since the departure of Kes.
• When Tom held his monster movie marathon, he apparently replicated a serious amount of pork rinds to accompany the film fest. He didn't have enough replicator rations to cover his debts then either.
• It's Harry Kim's turn to kidnap the coffee pot. But then perhaps that's because he's going to be sitting in the captain's chair for the next eight hours, and after four night shifts in a row heading up the bridge crew, he's channelling Janeway in more ways than one.

Equinox: 1

• B'Elanna Torres's ex-boyfriend Max Burke reveals her nickname from her Academy days, "BLT". Apparently it does stand for bacon, lettuce and tomato, but it's also her initials. That doesn't entirely negate the suggestion that she might have had cravings for sandwiches of the aforementioned type at that point in her life though.
• Harry Kim obviously thinks that food related nicknames are a joke worth pursuing. He promptly re-christens Tom Paris as "turkey platter". This is really rubbing it in, since Tom is currently pretty jealous of the revelation that B'Elanna's ex is on board, and failing miserably to hide the fact. And since it's her food related nickname that started it, he probably doesn't need the reminder.
• B'Elanna suggests that she, Max Burke, Tom Paris and Harry Kim should all have dinner together. Max thinks the idea sounds great. Tom's expression clearly states his opinion that it doesn't. Harry's expression just as clearly says that he thinks he's going to enjoy watching the show.
• The Equinox crew have spent the past two years on emergency rations. As a result, they seem particularly appreciative of Neelix's cooking.
• Max Burke chances his arm and makes a second bid for that dinner with B'Elanna, in the guise of her tutoring him in the workings of Voyager's propulsion system. She's smart and perceptive enough to know that he's not really interested in either the work or the meal, but doesn't catch on to the fact that he's as interested in distracting her attention from his illicit downloading activities as in actively flirting with her.